Ok, so I'm guessing Ezra talked to Emma Watson about getting cast in an HP-verse movie - like, comparing notes, asking for tips, blah blah blah gossip, whatever? And, like, he's got this crush on Colin, and totally watched the sex tape, and reading the script he's giggled a lot over how very BadTouch/DaddyKink the scenes with Colin are - like, I can imagine Emma running lines with him, even, and it degenerating into giggly outrageous porn.

So anyway, he skypes her, freaking out a bit, about the fact that Colin's coming to his room to run lines for a scene they're shooting in the morning. And Emma's all well maybe he's heteroflexible and Ezra's all oh my god stahp this is not helping urgh I am trying to be cool.

And she's like oh get over yourself you'll be fine - just pretend it's me. Have fun.

So Colin comes in to run lines, and maybe Ezra's smoked a little weed or had a drink or two because he's more relaxed and he does indeed treat it like the read-through with Emma - kind of goofing off and playing it up as Fifty Shades of Graves. And obvs Colin is perfectly willing to take the piss - Irish - and they end up trying to out-outrageous each other, being totally deadpan, until Ezra's on his knees making outrageous promises and looking up through his lashes, and he can see that Colin is actually getting hard, which, ha, victory - and he unzips Colin's pants.

At which point The atmosphere goes from edge-of-hilarity to holy-shit-gonna-fuck, and there is frantic scrabbling sexytimes.

..aaand I've practically written it myself here, as not!fic, eh?